What If for now
by wonderfuel
Summary: A re-telling of the end of the first book of EQ. What if Leetah insists Rayek stay in Sorrow's End and three-mate with herself and Cutter? Hmmmm...If I ever finish this, there may be yaoi in it. bwa ha ha.


Savah's appearance didn't startle him, or surprise him. In his heart, he knew he'd been waiting for her image to shimmer into the air, so he could turn down her entreaties to stay. At least then he'd know someone still wanted him there, and he could take the knowledge away with him as a small comfort. What she said next surprised him, however. "Leetah will join with Cutter-" she began, and Rayek nodded, a bitter laugh forcing it's self from his lips. "A speedy decision," he began, but Savah cut him off. "On one condition. That you join her as well, in her hut." Rayek blinked, staring at the sand for a moment. He turned to meet the ghostly eyes of Savah's apparition. "Savah.that is.not going to happen." He could hardly express his disgust at the idea. Savah's image nodded slightly. "But it must. Leetah has told she will refuse to answer the call of Recognition if you do not join in a three- mating. She will sicken and die, Rayek, if you leave." So Savah had known his plans anyway. He shrugged and got back to thinking about the problem at hand. Suddenly, Savah's image wavered. "Come to me in my hut, child, and talk with me there, before you make any decisions." She said before vanishing. Rayek watched the wind move grains of sand across a rock for several minutes before starting towards the village. He left his supplies behind.he didn't need to be seen walking about with his belongings on his shoulder, looking like the Wolfriders when they'd first come. The villagers and Wolfriders that saw him quickly quieted their speech as he passed by, but he paid them no mind. Damned weaklings, he thought again of his fellow Sunfolk. And the savages. He couldn't even think of them without calling up images of their cursed chief. Finally he made it to Savah's hut. Inside it was dark, save for the familiar glowing presence of Savah herself. He knelt before her briefly, hating to meet her eyes. He wasn't ashamed, was he? No, he just would hate to see pity in the Mother of Memory's eyes. "Rayek, my impetuous one." Savah said softly. She touched Rayek's hair, smiling. "What are you going to do?" "Honestly, Savah, I don't know. Mating with Leetah is one thing, but sharing her with that.that wolf creature..I don't think I can accept that. I-I cannot share her." Savah sighed gently. She'd known Rayek would react this way. Standing, she left her chair and walked towards the door of her large hut, looking out through beaded curtains. Rayek stood where he'd been, watching her. For a while Savah said nothing. When she did speak, she sounded very tired. "My Rayek.Cutter has consented to the three-union. All they need is your acceptance. Otherwise they will both die, eventually. Though neither I nor any of the Wolfriders have ever heard of Recognition being denied for so long that an elf died, I know in my heart that Leetah is strong enough to resist.and she will if you leave." His precious Leetah.die? Suffering for weeks, months, who knows how long it took to kill an elf from resisting Recognition. Would she really do that? All because of him. A certain grim satisfaction could be had from making the Wolf Chief suffer and die in the same way, but not if it meant the death of his longtime lovemate. He paced to the wall, the depictions of humans, of the woods, of the desert, of Savah. Tracing his hands down the long flowing gown in the picture, he turned back to the Mother of Memory. "I need to talk to Leetah."  
  
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Leetah walked the winding path to Savah's hut, purposefully taking the long way. The paths weren't made to follow the fastest way to get from one point to another. They were twisty, turning, meant to be something of a short meditative walk. Right now Leetah needed to steel herself, though she had to work to keep her body from shaking. She was able to send healing energy through herself, though it felt as though she was trying to quench hunger with water. It soothed her for a short while, then the ache in her stomach came back in earnest. Her eyes averted from the others, much as Rayek had been the day before, she passed groups of Sun Villagers and Wolfriders, all of whom knew the deal she was trying to make. Word got out fast in the small oasis where they all dwelt. She realized suddenly that she had stopped outside of the hut. Inside, she knew Cutter was waiting for her, and Rayek as well. She could picture them standing on opposite sides of the room, arms crossed, the tension in the air thick like humidity. Taking a breath, she walked into the room. She had been almost right. Rayek was standing, and, almost certainly, reveling in the fact that Cutter's weakness had forced him to take a seat on a bench. Other than his subtle gloat, Rayek seemed as tense and worried as Cutter. "Rayek." she said quietly, nodding to him, then nodding to the Wolfrider as well. "Cutter." The both looked up at her with pained eyes, though Cutter was considerably more shaken. Just the site of her was painfully exquisite to him. It was all he could do grip the sides of the bench and tear his eyes away from Leetah. Leetah also felt a jolt as her eyes met Cutter's. The past several days, the urge had been getting stronger and stronger. But she would fight it. She would not let Recognition make her lose her dearest and oldest friend, and only love. Only, that is, until Recognition forced her upon Cutter. The two had talked in the days that Rayek had been skulking about the rocks around Sorrow's End, getting to know each other outside of the preliminary information they already knew. Leetah knew in her heart she could grow to love Cutter.but she loved Rayek, at the moment, much more. And she wasn't going to let him go. "Leetah," Rayek began, walking foreword. "Stop this foolishness and just end it. Continue with life.look how you tremble." He took her hand and looked at her with real concern. This was not right. She was sick.her hair was dull, her eyes dark with pain. She looked away. "I won't. Unless you stay with me." And Cutter, was her unspoken request. Rayek shuddered, knowing what she was asking. "No, Leetah." A glance towards the pale savage. "No. Do what you must and.and let me be. He's won you rightly, and I lost." The last words said with bitterness, though he meant what he said. He'd rather them be together without him.because at least then he could leave and not have to see his old friend fall in love with this dirty youth. "She won't, Rayek, and you know it," came Cutter's voice, tight and strained, from his seat. "She's decided. Join us or we both die." He was bitter as well. The young chief didn't understand why all this was happening, but he knew that if Rayek joined them at least he could end his suffering, and be, if nothing else, ONE of Leetah's mates. To be near her was enough for him. He looked weary, wearier than he had when he'd come to the oasis first. He was dying already, and so was Leetah. It wouldn't happen for some time, but they would only get worse. Rayek swallowed hard, dropping Leetah's hand and turning away to think. Leetah took his movement as a negative answer. Falling to her knees in despair, she covered her eyes. "Rayek, please! I won't..I cannot choose between you and Cutter. Please, my old friend, join us. I can't bear to lose you. Either of you." If nothing else, Rayek thought to himself as he turned around and helped Leetah to her feet, I can see them safely answer Recognition, and then leave. He was quiet as he nodded, once. Cutter sighed in both pain and relief, and Leetah put her arms around him and began to cry, softly. "Thank you, Rayek."  
  
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The whole village was abuzz with the news, as it usually was when something exciting happened. ShenShen was, of course, the main source of information, though she really knew about as much as anyone else did. All the Wolfriders cared about was that their chief was going to be all right. He had been looking worse and worse, getting thinner and paler even as the sun burned in the sky. Now, as he shakily hugged his tribemates and left the caves, carrying his few belongings, they whooped with joy. Leetah's hut was second largest to Savah's, she being the healer and having much status because of it in the village. There was a lower level where she stored liquid, food, and blankets for when the desert became colder. Most of the huts had such basements, but hers was the largest. She kept gifts there as well. Her people were generous with their thanks when she healed them, and she was well stocked with beautiful but sadly useless things. At least, that's what Cutter thought. Pretty weavings, pottery.they were fragile, what was the point? But then, so was Leetah. Fragile and beautiful, but strong in many ways. And a healer. Cutter shrugged, running a finger down a tapestry. Maybe they had some use he hadn't thought of. It didn't matter though. He went back upstairs where Leetah was rearranging her sleeping pit. Cutter realized suddenly what this all meant. He would have to share housing with Rayek. Sleeping arrangements with Rayek. LEETAH with Rayek. He'd agreed hastily to Leetah's idea before, of course, because he needed her so badly. And though they still hadn't consummated the urge, his mind cleared enough to realize what he was getting into. Rayek realized it as well when he entered, carrying only his spear and several items of clothes he wore when the weather cooled. The two of them stiffened as one, their eyes locking. Cutter backed down first, turning away to look out the beaded window. Leetah watched them, worried. All I want is for this to work, Great Sun, she thought. That night she and Cutter went up to the Bridge of Destiny, while Rayek pretended to sleep in the hut. He imagined he could hear their cries of pleasure, all the way up on the Bridge, but knew he couldn't. Torturing himself with images of the two coupling, he stood and walked out of the hut. The cool night air hit him and he thought about getting a wrap, but decided he didn't care enough. He stalked the village, trying to get unwanted thoughts out of his head. He found himself outside Savah's hut. The room was dim and he knew that she, of course, had gone to sleep. He was very surprised when a gentle hand touched his shoulder as he turned to go. "Savah," he said, turning to look up at her wise, lovely, ancient face. Her eyes held, not pity, but sympathy, as she put her arms around him. Rayek swallowed, trying to gather strength from her, but instead he found himself breaking down. He gritted his teeth, hard enough to make his jaw hurt, but he knew Savah would sense the tears slipping down his cheeks. Pulling away, he suddenly wondered.has Savah comforted the Wolf Chief the same way? And then, wondering, why had he wondered that? Wiping his eyes hastily, he turned and walked back to Leetah's..his and Cutter's now.hut. Inside, it was empty and quiet. Though he didn't know for sure, he knew they'd gone up to the Bridge. It seemed they'd be staying there all night. Somewhere in his mind he hoped Cutter would roll off the Bridge in his sleep.  
  
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The sun rose slowly the next day, dawning on a very tired Rayek. He had slept fitfully, plagued by nightmare images of Cutter and Leetah, standing there watching Rayek fall from the Bridge. He was still alone in the hut as he stood and stretched. A shadow fell across his back as he lifted his arms above his head. Cutter, he knew. It had to be. The Wolfriders weren't the only ones who could scent someone. Without turning, he found his loincloth and pulled it on, then his boots. Looking up, he saw Cutter had walked away. Fine with him. He didn't want to see either of them at the moment, though a second later Leetah came into the hut. "Sweet water." she said softly, touching Rayek on the shoulder. He flinched inwardly, but he turned and gave Leetah a tired smile. He touched her cheek, noting she already looked healthier. Now, she, Leetah, his lovemate of some six hundred years, would have a child. A "cub", he thought, trying to control his revulsion. "Sweet water," he answered brusquely, stepping away from her and grabbing his spear. "I'm going to hunt," he said unnecessarily, striding out, his heart beating too quickly. It was as though he had just met her, and was falling in love with her all over again. It made him awkward, shy. Things he hated. The rocks around Sorrow's End would be a good shelter for him to sort out his emotions. Above the village, he looked down for a time, watching the gardeners scamper about. His annoyance with them was dulled today, a lack of sleep and new emotions taking up most of his consciousness. He heard a sound then, a little ways behind him. Thinking it may be a wild pig, he stalked quietly towards the source. He almost laughed to himself when he saw Cutter standing against a rock, alone, throwing small pebbles into a tiny pool of water. A wild pig indeed. Stepping out of the shadows, he smirked. "Greetings, Wolf Chief," he said, sarcasm in his voice. He smirked when Cutter jumped. The elf had let his guard down. Had been startled. Then his feeling of gloating died as he figured Cutter had probably been day dreaming about the night before. Trying to continue to look cool and collected, he leaned against and opposite wall and sneered at the other. "Greetings, Snake Eyes," Cutter said back, tossing a pebble at Rayek, who caught it with his free hand before it hit him square in the forehead. The two looked at each other for a long moment, as though they were amazed how much they hated each other. Though, thinking about it, Cutter realized he didn't hate Rayek. He resented him, was annoyed and confused and angry at him, but he didn't hate him. He found himself wishing, again, that he could have done things differently. Redo it. Make it so Leetah and he hadn't been at odds for so long, make it so Rayek didn't despise him with all his soul. Though he wondered if anything he could have done would have made Rayek feel any differently. Rayek was becoming annoyed at the way Cutter was staring right through him as though he wasn't there. He snapped his fingers and Cutter blinked. "Dreaming about her again, barbarian? You have her for real now, you don't have to imagine." He tried to keep his voice lightly mocking, but the pain behind the admittance of truth was genuine. Cutter was confused. "What? No, I was thinking." But he didn't have to explain himself to Rayek. He stopped talking and sighed. There was no point. Rayek was going to hate him even if Cutter ever figured out how to stop being annoyed with him. However, he'd heard the catch in Rayek's voice. He thinks he's lost her completely, Cutter thought. Which was the furthest from the truth. Don't you see, she'd rather she AND I die, without you? He said nothing however. Why reassure his enemy? Cutter hoped Rayek WOULD leave, now. Which was what Rayek was considering at the moment. Why bother staying? Something of a morbid curiosity was keeping him there, he realized. He wanted to see what was going to happen. Would he and Cutter kill each other in the hut with Leetah watching? Would Leetah change her mind and want one of them to leave? Would she want Cutter to leave? Now that she wasn't under the influence of forced desire, she may realize Rayek was her true love. Small hopes that kept Rayek in the three-mating. Cutter shook his head slowly, watching Rayek's stoic face. "You might as well get used to me, Blackhair. I'm not going anywhere." Cutter's words snapped Rayek out of his reverie. "We'll see about that, young chief. How long will Leetah want you around, now that your duties to.Recognition." The word was full of spite. "Have been fulfilled? It takes much to keep Leetah entertained, Wolfrider, and I'd like to see you try to keep her attention for as long as I have. " Cutter bristled inside. Rayek's words sent a small shiver of doubt down his spine. However, all he needed to do was call up the conversation he and Leetah had had the night before, after their joining, to reassure himself. Leetah knew their bond was true. She wouldn't want Cutter to leave. He calmed, trying not to glare at Rayek any more. "You know she won't send me away." The simple belief Cutter had in his words bothered Rayek. How naïve! How childish! How.obvious. The simple truth was that Cutter was right, though Rayek didn't want to admit it. Ever. "Believe what you must, though I suggest being a little more entertaining." With that he walked stiffly away, aware of the pale one's blue eyes on his back.  
  
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Leetah, meanwhile, was trying to endure the teasing of her sister. "Sister, how greedy of you! To keep the two most attractive men for yourself! Perhaps you will loan out the Wolfrider once in a while?" ShenShen's sister sighed, braiding together long strands of sand- grass to make a new floor mat. ShenShen sat beside her, braiding as well. Though her sister teased her to no end, Leetah still enjoyed her company, and they often sat together while they worked. "Cutter and Rayek are free to do as they please. I am not 'keeping' them." She said, irritated. "Oh, but you are! Threatening to deny Cutter forever if Rayek didn't join you.of course you are forcing Rayek, at least, to do what you wish." Leetah sighed. "Rayek would have left Sorrow's End for good had I not said that, ShenShen, and you know it. If he decides to leave now, there will be nothing I can do, but I suspect that this will be a good excuse for him to stay. His honor won't let him desert the village now, if only because of his promise to me.though if he wants to leave the hut I share with he and Cutter, I won't be able to stop him." ShenShen nodded. "You really want him to stay that badly?" She asked, serious for a change. Leetah nodded as well. "I do. I love Cutter in a different way than I love Rayek. Cutter is.a part of me. Of my soul. And though I have not fallen for his personality, I know that we are meant to be lifemates. But I do not know him very well yet. And Rayek.Rayek I know to his core. Rayek and I.well, you know how long it's been. I love him as you love your oldest friend.for he is indeed that." "Yes, I understand, Leetah, I do. I just hope this all works out for you." ShenShen touched her sister's hand briefly, smiling. "So do I, sister. Thank you."  
  
Night came, and with it, a sense of apprehension for all three sharing Leetah's hut. However, Cutter had a solution. The discovery of the seeds in his coat had made all the Wolfriders howl with excitement, knowing soon they would have a taste of home. Redlance's treeshaping powers had come into their own while in Sorrow's End, and soon he had grown a large bush full of bright juicy berries. Before coming back to the hut that night, Cutter picked several handfuls of berries and brought them back. He dropped them into a small basket sitting near the sleeping pit, and watched Rayek and Leetah discuss harmless subjects about their day. Listening to them, he felt a stab of envy. They had jokes that only meant something to they alone, and Cutter suspected they went back for years. Leetah and Rayek knew each other so well. They finished each other's sentences, and Leetah only to say the word "sandcat," and Rayek laughed out loud, something Cutter had never seen. Whatever the word "sandcat" had to do with anything was beyond the young chief, and so he stopped paying attention to their conversation and began pulling off his shoes. Really, neither of them seemed to notice him. Rayek did, though. And ignored him. He was having a good conversation with Leetah and didn't want to end it. However, soon Leetah turned around and smiled at Cutter, inviting him into their conversation. Cutter smiled shyly back at her, and Rayek felt the jealousy Cutter had previously known.  
  
Leetah and Cutter had something new, something exciting, Rayek thought, deciding to take of his sandals. An attempt at civility was made as Rayek broke into Leetah and Cutter's greetings with a question. "What did you drop in that basket, Wolfrider?" Cutter looked up, surprised at the question. "Oh. They're called Dreamberries.we brought seeds with us across the burning waste and Redlance grew a bush, out in the center of the village." He looked thoughtful, taking a berry out of the basket and shining it on his tunic. "They send your head into the clouds.I thought maybe you.two...would like to try some." Leetah and Rayek exchanged glances. "Sounds like the wine we make out of needleplant juice," Leetah said, taking a berry from the basket and putting it in her mouth. She chewed it slowly, swallowed, and smiled. "It's taste is very pleasant, Cutter." Cutter grinned. "I knew you'd like it. Just wait, if you eat a lot of them the world starts fading away.you see things sometimes, when you eat dreamberries.sometimes visions of the past or future. Sometimes, when Skywise and I would go sit by a river and eat a basketful, we would start hearing each other's thoughts without sending." Cutter suddenly realized he'd revealed a private memory to Leetah, which he felt comfortable doing, but..Rayek was still there. He winced, waiting for the insult. When it came the sting was weak. "Getting addled on intoxicating berries in the middle of the green growing place, Chief? Doesn't sound very smart." This said, Rayek reached across Leetah and Cutter, pulled a berry out of the basket and ate it. He nodded thoughtfully. "We had our wolf friends to let us know if anything was coming," Cutter defended himself pensively. He didn't want to fight. He wanted to celebrate the growth of the dreamberry bush, of the return of one small part of his former way of life. Rayek responded with a shrug. He also didn't feel like fighting. He leaned over to take another berry. Cutter laughed a little. "I take it you like them." "Yes." Rayek said, a little surprised that he did. Anything that had to do with the Wolf Chief was usually a bad thing. Leetah was enjoying them as well. After eating several more she slid into the sleeping pit, leaned against some large pillows, and smiled dreamily. "They're amazing, Cutter." Cutter grinned again. Rayek looked away. The barbarian was so happy when he pleased Leetah. So happy. His head already becoming fuzzy, Rayek decided he didn't want to be distracted by painfull thoughts all night. Grabbing a handfull, he ate the berries one by one, watching carefulyl how many the wolfrider consumed. When they'd all finished the basket, they took places on either side of Leetah and waited for it to completely kick in. Cutter explained what it would feel like, and Leetah closed her eyes. "Sometimes it's scary.Tell me if you start feeling frightened and I.or Rayek." He smirked a little. "will reassure you.all right?" Leetah nodded, eyes still closed. Cutter snickered at a thought, and looked up at Rayek. "Tell me if you get scared, too, blackhair." "You'll know if I do, Cutter, when I kill you, thinking you're a charging cave lion. Great Sun knows you smell like one." Cutter blinked, leaning back a little. Rayek had never called him by his name before. 


End file.
